What The Hell Am I Waiting For?

They knew their life was destined for more than they were currently achieving. They were an airplane perched on the edge of a runway, a few clouds lazily drifting by across the brilliant blue sky. The unspoken promise of an incredible journey ahead. An airplane fully loaded with fuel, but grounded with nowhere to go.

It was a feeling that crept over them, it had been with them since they were young. As they got older it spoke to them increasingly. They often felt like they had slipped into another world. A world that was almost identical in every way. The same people, same routine, same life. However something felt amiss, slightly claustrophobic. It should be a great feeling to have a destiny but its not, it seeps throughout their mind and threatens to destroy them. There chest hitches and tightens, the air feels heavier, they feel hot. Something was building, bubbling under the surface, a magma chamber waiting to erupt onto the surface. In the evening when the sun had set, they often felt a general disquiet settling over them. It thickened the air around them, suffocating them. Their mind raced, the questions like atoms, colliding with each other, merging, changing, reforming, and setting out on their journey again. Late at night they often thought it was just a mental health condition. A ‘Delusion of Grandeur’ is what their inner voice would whisper sweetly, their head is in the clouds was what those closest told them if they were brave enough and they spoke about it. However, nothing could change their mind, they were convinced they were destined for greater things. They didn’t know when, how or why, but they were sure something was going to happen. Something that would change their life and those of their friends and family forever. It kept them awake at night, ate away at them during the day, and never left them alone. It was the unspoken answer to every question and the unspoken question to every answer. They heard it calling to them when they tried to empty their minds. It was in the television they watched, in the songs they heard, the lyrics in those song, and in the words that they read. It wore them down, it stole their life, robbed them of living in the now with the promise that the best was yet to come, that they did not belong here, that there was a better tomorrow. It asked no quarter of them, and gave none in return. All it whispered was the same sweet promise.

“You are special, you are meant for much more than you do. It will happen, it might happen today, it might happen next week, or next year, or ten years from now. Always be ready, go forth and when the opportunity comes only then will you gain clarity, see the meaning, and feel your purpose. Seize it, for it is your destiny, you will burn with the brightest of flames”

The only thing that they were certain of as they laid there, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of their chest, taking deep breaths, their eyes screwed shut listening to the voice, was that their peroration was to be the words ‘I came, I saw, I conquered’


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