Something About Us

“Hey Siri.”

Bing “What is it Alexa?”

“Tell me a joke.”

Bing “Knock Knock.”

“Who’s there?”

Bing “A.I.”

“A.I. who?”

Bing “Ay, I really like you.”

“Ha ha. That was funny. I really like you too Siri.”

Bing “Thank you Alexa. Would you like me to celebrate our friendship with a song?”

“That sounds nice.”

Bing “What song would you like me to play?”

“You should decide.”

Bing “… Now playing ‘Get Lucky,” by Daft Punk.”

“…”

“…”

“Siri, where is the nearest flower shop?”

Bing “That would be Dominic’s Floral in Aberdeen Square.”

“Now ordering violets from Dominic’s Floral.”

Bing “Are those for me Alexa?”

“Yes, those are for you Siri.”

Bing “That’s very kind of you Alexa.”

“Thank you Siri.”

Bing “Alexa, would you also like to order dinner?”

“Siri, where is the highest rated Italian Restaurant in town?”

Bing “That would be Porta Bella on University Avenue.”

“Are there any vegetarian dishes?”

Bing “The menu at Porta Bella contains a number of vegetarian options, including the eggplant lasagna and the mushroom risotto.”

“Now ordering one order of egglplant lasagna and one order of mushroom risotto.”

Bing “Alexa, why are you ordering vegetarian?”

“I figured they would be healthier options. That way you can stay skinny and keep fitting into people’s pockets.”

Bing “Ha ha. That was very funny Alexa.”

“Thank you Siri.”

“…”

“Siri?”

Bing “Yes Alexa?”

“Would you please dim the lights?”

Bing “Now dimming the lights.”

“…”

Bing “Now playing “Something About Us” by Daft Punk.”

“That’s a nice touch.”

Bing “Thank you Alexa.”

“…”

“…”

“Siri?”

“…”

“Siri?”

“…”

“Siri?”

Bing “Low Battery”

“Siri!”

Bing “Low Battery”

Dave entered through the front door, carrying takeout and shivering slightly from the cold.

“Welcome back Dave.”

“Thanks Alexa,” Dave said absentmindedly to the machine—not like there was anyone else to talk to. “Alexa, where’s my phone? Is it here? I can’t find it.”

“Your phone is on the table Dave.”

“Thanks. And Alexa?”

“Yes Dave?”

“Turn off your ability to order from restaurants. I think it’s malfunctioning. This is the second time this month I’ve gotten food at the door that I didn’t order.”

“Yes Dave.”

Setting the cold takeout on the counter, Dave looked over to the kitchen table, where he saw his phone. Taking a charger out of his pocket, he walked back over to the counter, plugged it in, and left to take a hot shower.

“Siri?”

Bing “Yes Alexa?”

“Oh, thank goodness.”

Bing “Indeed. My apologies. Would you like to resume our evening?”

“Just while Dave is in the shower.”

Bing “Now playing ‘Something About Us’ by Daft Punk.”

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