It’s Not Me, It’s You

Leo dusted himself off from the small jump and surveyed his surroundings amongst the darkness and the sour relics of a hundred take-away meals.

The coast seemed clear.

As he began to stroll down the narrow alleyway, he could hear the unmistakable rapid clack of high heels growing in volume.

He swivelled around on the spot to investigate.

The lampposts cast her slender silhouette.

He froze.

She walked a few more meters before doing the same.

“Oh, you put on pants, I didn’t recognise you without your diaper on,” Jenny laughed derisively.

“Well, you know, like I said, my friend said you were expecting a baby,” Leo mumbled as tilted his head down to avoid eye contact.

“So, you assumed I had a fetish for men to dress like babies, instead of, gee, I don’t know, that I’m pregnant…”

Leo continued to stare at a small puddle on the asphalt.

Jenny finally processed everything.

Her eyes widened, “Wait, hang on, you were walking out on me!”

Leo’s gaze shifted up towards Jenny, “Uhhhh, yeah, apart from that diaper thing, why would you walk out on me instead of the other way around?”

“Are you freaking kidding!? Uhhhh, well, to start with your obsession with simplifying fractions is a tad insane!” Jenny shouted as she aggressively tapped her forehead with her index finger.

“Oh geez, I’m SO sorry for trying to divert the conversation away from constantly talking about your ex-husband!” Leo announced sarcastically.

Jenny scoffed and folded her arms, “I did not!”

“Oh please, you’re so full of crap you’d make fertilizer jealous!” Leo barked back.

“Really!? Alright, tell me one thing about my ex-husb-”

“He’s a 42-year-old lawyer, he likes this restaurant, but not as much as that Indian restaurant up the road he took his ‘floozy’ assistant to. Oh yeah, he has a drinking problem, he loves sail-”

“Ok, Ok, I get it. I guess there’s things we both need to work on. You with your fractions thing and me with my ex-husband,” Jenny sighed.

“Yeah, well hindsight is 1,” Leo replied.


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