While giving communion, I came to a decision. If I had to commit sin for anyone, I would commit sin for her.
I would throw the body of Jesus to the floor, drink his blood most selfishly, and launch myself from the alter. Flying through the air, my vestments would fall before me, landing upon the masses and revealing my pale naked body, hardened from all those push ups I’ve been doing recently. The crowd, harrowed by the sight of my most erect penis, would scream and panic. But I wouldn’t care, my voice booming Marvin Gaye’s love making song ‘Sexual Healing’ would drown out the congregation, and swooping down, I’d sweep her up. We’d fly, up and up, to the steeples, to the bell tower, her clothes falling from her dimple body. And upon the church’s peak, we’d embrace, our lips touching as the sun bronzed our bodies.
Blinking back to reality, I thanked God for the clothes which now hide my most sinful manhood.