Everything I’m going through right now, everything we are going through right now, I know it’s real. I know this pain is real but sometimes I still feel like I was used. I need to know that every tear was meaningful. I need to know that it’s hard for you not to message me, I need to know that you’re sitting there thinking about me and what you’ve done. I need to know that all this pain isn’t for nothing. I need to know that you’re going to be good and you’re going to better yourself and you’re going to come out of this a stronger man. You and I came together because it was meant to be. You didn’t take the time to be free from your last horrible relationship. And then me, this woman who treated you wonderful and gave you faith in relationships again, in women and people again. And then you, this beautiful caring giving man who didn’t know how to be loved, who didn’t know what to do and how to keep going when he was being treated well.
You, who may have tried to subconsciously sabotage this relationship because you just assumed it would go bad because everything was so good. You need time to be free, you need time to heal, you said to me it’s not fair to me that you keep going back into this behavior, but I truly love you and you truly love me. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, to set you free, to watch you walk away and hope maybe…maybe I’ll hold you again one day. I hope I’ll kiss you again one day, I hope that this is not the end.
You said you need to go through these things alone, and with some of these emotions you have to work through I agree. I guess we should’ve slowed down. Instead we both got burned, we both got hurt. You are so beautiful. You’re such a good person, and while you may have made some big mistakes lately, I still see you. I still see the man I fell in love with. I need to know that my tears are not being wasted. I need to know that when I stay up at night feeling sick that it’s going to be for something good, that you are going to be a better person and you’re going to better yourself so one day I’m gonna be able to look at you and say “he’s healthy, he’s happy.” I just hope it’s while I’m holding your hands, and not watching you hold someone else’s.