A small pod of Zerxoz explorers were hovering in their ship somewhere inside a black hole near the Milky Way, awaiting permission from their leadership to teleport to a distant celestial body.
Captain Xryt’s radar spotted Earth in the distance and information poured down her luminescent augmented reality screen. “Sir, it says here that no life form on XC-3450 has multi-dimensional travel abilities,” she said in a confused tone.
“Well, there must not be any intelligent life-forms on the planet,” Admiral Keqt said matter-of-factly. “They do live primarily in a three dimensional world, after all.”
“But it says here that the primary life form on this planet has developed satellite based nuclear weapons,” Captain Xryt responded.
“So, they are an emerging intelligence?”
Captain Xryt squinted as she studied the information carefully, “No, I don’t think so. They have aimed the weapons at themselves.”
Admiral Keqt cringed his face in disgust and then pondered for a moment, “Well, why don’t we teach them how to travel between dimensions?”
Captain Xryt’s face lit up, “We could help develop that species’ intelligence!”
“I’ll contact command and ask if we can cautiously enter the planet and disseminate our information,” Admiral Keqt said. “We’ve got a significant amount of time until we are scheduled for teleportation, so I’m sure they’ll confirm my request.”
Admiral Keqt’s hunch was correct.
72 Earth hours later, they returned to their initial position and contacted command.
A hologram appeared in front of Admiral Keqt, “How did it go?”
“Terrible,” a dejected Admiral replied.
“How so?” The hologram queried.
“Well, we entered the atmosphere and brought a few of the targeted species on board as is protocol.”
“When we tried to probe them to deliver the information it went all wrong.”
“We observed that 90 per cent of visual content on their networks communication consisted of a cylindrical part of their flesh entering various orifices on another individual’s flesh.”
Captain Xryt interrupted, “Sometimes they use a more artificial object which mimics this flesh.”
Admiral nodded in agreement, “Yes. So we tried to deliver the information in a manner that would comfort them based on this discovery, but they just started screeching and attacking us.”
Captain Xryt interjected again, “And that screeching was a completely different frequency and wave length compared to the screeching we heard in those visual communications.”
“So we just let them off the ship,” a glum Admiral concluded.