Alone – B. Kirk

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“The green in the trees blend with the blue of the sky,

creating a graceful picture,

as the chirping birds create a symphony of harmonious song.”

Sunday: Entry 907

Hey journal, I re-read my favorite book today, thus the poem above. It’s been awhile since my last update, I’d say a couple months, but there’s really no way to tell. I did my Sunday routine: wake up, pray, exercise, read scripture, then I went to the kitchen. The room smelled foul, with moldy fruit and stale bread filling the cabinets. I filled a teacup with wine and picked off a piece of bread. “Body of Christ,” I thought before eating the bread. “Blood of Christ,” I thought before drinking the wine. Jesus’ blood tastes horrible.

No, you know what? I hate my life. I hate everything about it, I hate the food, I hate my books, I hate the dark and I HATE THIS RUN DOWN, GOD FORSAKEN CABIN! No, this cabin isn’t run down. In fact, it’s my pride and joy. Two bathrooms, three kitchens, two living rooms, a master bedroom, and a huge study that puts all others to shame. Made by my own two hands and about 400 blocks of concrete. But I hate living here, it’s dark and cold. The candles only light the place dimly, and don’t provide heat. I need to get out of here.

Last night I had a dream, first time in months. I was reading all five hundred and sixty two books again in my study. When the tree from the poem crashed into the concrete wall outside, I saw paradise. It was a warm summer day, the grass was green, and families were having a picnic. The adults were talking and socializing as the kids were playing. The boys were chasing the girls with worms on sticks. I wanted to join them, so I turned around to place my book on the chair, fully prepared to rejoin society. But when I turned around, the paradise was gone. Replaced by the same concrete wall, the word, “sorry” carved into it.

Oh lord! Why have you forsaken me?! I cannot stand my life. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe the world didn’t end? Maybe I can go back, but as I write this, I realize that I am what I never wanted to be. It is the darkest entity in the universe, and feared by all. I just don’t want to be alone.

 

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