The words slipped out nearly as fast as they had entered my mind.
I want to write.
I have always loved writing. From a very young age I loved coming up with stories or answering creative writing prompts in school. And yes, I was always the student keeping my fingers crossed for essay exams versus those dreaded multiple choice tests. I didn’t want four options. I wanted a prompt. Give me a prompt and let me answer you with words.
I also keep journals. Numbers of them; filled from cover to cover with words and emotions and thoughts. Real words and real feelings and real Truth. And also stories. My musings from the day to day, heart ache to heart ache, the tiny random snippets I want to keep with me forever. Not all things in my journal belong on this blog. But then again, not all things in my past blogs belonged on a blog.
I started writing in an online platform in 2011 because I felt the Lord telling me I had some words worth sharing and something deep down cried “Yes!” Someplace within me commanded me to write. I look back on those first months of writing and can see God’s hand moving my metaphorical pen all over those pages.
And yet somewhere along the way I lost myself. I was still me and yet not. My words, my vocabulary, my phraseology had all changed. Somewhere along my journey with this transforming blog I stopped writing and began chatting. Not all that entirely different, and yet not at all the same. My words had changed. My respect for grammar and a vast vocabulary and my goodness, proper English, had changed. The girl who swore to never use “ya” or “y’all” was spurting out words just as these, often.
For a long time coming now this feeling has been building up within me. I was no longer satisfied with “chatting.” I’d open my web browser, yearning to put words on a page, but all that came to mind was chatter. I’d instead close the production page to create yet another “Draft.” My how the drafts have accumulated. 27 to be exact. Most of those were attempted chatter. Some of those deserve to be revisited and invested in.
Last week these thoughts and feelings finally formed into a coherent statement and I found myself blurting out,
“I want to write.”
It was directed towards no one in particular, but it was while washing dishes after dinner with my sweet husband, so he took them to be meant for him. With a smile on his face, he simply looked at me and said:
“Then write, babe. I think you should.”
It was like he knew what I meant. It was his simple affirmation that he knew I meant more than blog-chatter that put my heart at peace and set a new determination within me.
I want you to be challenged here. I want to be challenged here. I want large words with even larger meaning to cover these pages. I want to write from the deep place within me that commands that I have to.
I’ve had the humble privilege of occasionally having precious people mention to me that they have enjoyed reading my blog or how they have been encouraged by something either there or on Two Belles & a Bride. Deep within me I know they’re not talking about the chatter posts. They’re talking about the God-infused posts. The ones that would every once and a while jump out onto the blog. Those are the kinds of posts I want to continue to exist here.
So count this, if you will, as a new chapter. Again. Yet, again. But with more vision and purpose than before.
Join me if you would like. We’ll both get to be surprised together at what God writes here.