Tainted Glass pt. 17 – Takoda Poindexter

7842671_l

George’s mind whirled in a thousand directions after he rounded the corner of the arcade, and his vision became blurry as tears flooded down his cheeks.

This is what happens when I trust people. This is what happens when I give them my heart. This is what happens when I love someone.

            George felt sick, weak, powerless, and burned out. His vision began to blur, but he kept running. That’s what he did best. He ran from his problems. His world turned black as he tripped over his own feet and his thoughts overtook him.

“George, you must calm yourself.”

            Leave me alone, I want to die here.

“You cannot die yet. Calm yourself.”

            How can I? I am constantly afraid. I feel like I’m never good enough, no matter how hard I try. Do you not understand? I’m caving in!

“I understand, but do you? This fear and paranoia shouldn’t be controlling you. Instead, you should be controlling it. It’s alright to cry, but it’s not alright to give up. You have so much before you that you cannot yet comprehend. I want you to dig deeper and fight the demons.”

            Timothy is the demon. I have to break up with him.

“That is the first step to saving yourself. Remove all the toxic people in your life. You cannot remove him just yet, for he is like a clingy sticker bush. You have to wait for the right time to yank it off, like a Band-Aid.”

When?

“You will know when the time is right. Listen and judge the lies from the truth. Wake up, she’s calling for you.” Then, as suddenly as the voice had appeared, it faded, replaced by Meagan’s cries.

            “George? George? GEORGE!” Meagan screamed and shook him. His eyes fluttered open, but all he saw was gray pavement.

“I-I blacked out…sorry Meagan…” he drifted off as he sat up. Falling to her knees, Meagan’s eyes were watering.

“Don’t scare me like that…” she began bawling as she shoved her head into George’s chest.

“I-I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…I’ve held my emotions in for so long…but I…”

Meagan sobbed louder and George fell silent and rubbed her back softly.

“I’m just tired. Please don’t scare me like that!” her words choked in her throat as she tried to get ahold of herself.

“We should go home and rest. Are you able to drive yourself home?” George asked, staring up at the gray, clouding sky.

            “Yeah, I’ll be fine. What about you?” She whispered softly, her voice barely audible.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.” George helped her to her feet. His surroundings were still spinning, but not enough for him to fall. Meagan wiped her tears away. They went their separate ways in silence, turning their backs on the two people who they thought could give them love.

 

*          *

 

George stared blankly at the penguin necklace given to him by Timothy.

I tried to wear this everywhere I went. I thought this would be my good luck charm, but all it is is…nothing. Nothing special about it at all. It’s just a burden.

            George threw the necklace at the wall, and then stared at the ring Timothy had also given him.

“You promised me three things Timothy.” His eyes were swelling up as he snatched it from his night stand. “You said you would never cheat on me, you said you would never leave me, and you said you never broke your promises. You broke all of them to please yourself.” George laughed, then bent over and picked up the necklace he had thrown.

George stepped into the kitchen, and without hesitation tossed the two items into the trash.

No one will love you fully. They will just use you and your strong compassion, George. Why not end your pain? Why not end the suffering that you’ve endured for so long? It’s easy, and it won’t hurt for too long. What do you say?

            The voice was neither his nor that of his conscience. Instead it was a third voice within him that he knew all too well. It was his demons talking.

            George nodded to himself, allowing the sadistic voice to control his thoughts as he walked back into his room. “What’s the point of living anyways?” He asked himself. “You have to struggle through life, but what comes out of it? Nothing but death. I’ve made my decision.”

“George! Get ready, we’re going out to eat tonight!” His mom called from the stairs before he had reached his room.

George coughed loudly, “I don’t feel well. You guys can go, I’ll stay home tonight.”

“Whatever,” his mom replied.

“You won’t have to deal with me anymore after tonight.” George said under his breath as he locked his door and waited for his family to leave.

“I’m sorry Meagan, Becca, Hannah…” he smiled weakly at his phone and texted Meagan for the last time.

Meagan, thank you for trying so hard to make me happy today. I truly enjoyed it. However, I feel like I just get in everyone’s way. I don’t even know why I’m still here, why I’m still alive. I’ve made my decision…you’ll be fine and better off without me. I am glad to call you my friend, goodbye.

He sent the text as he headed downstairs to the garage. He grabbed rope from the shelf where his dad stored all of his tools and began tying a noose.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s